One-Minute Melee: Puss in Boots VS Meta Knight
by Orange Ratchet
Summary: King Dedede and Escargoon have done it once again, hiring an assassin from a different world to get rid of Kirby. But will Meta Knight manage to stand in the assassin's way? Based off ScrewAttack's One-Minute Melees!


DISCLAIMER TIME! I don't own Shrek/Puss in Boots, which belongs to Dreamworks, or Kirby, which belongs to Nintendo! I also don't own the concept of One Minute Melee, which belongs to ScrewAttack!

Here's the next One-Minute Melee battle! Anyway, enjoy!

* * *

 **One-Minute Melee!  
Where research means nothing when you just want to watch two people fight!  
Two fighters! Sixty seconds! And NO research!**

 ** _GO!_**

* * *

 **(The Poison Apple)**

"I don't see why we have to come here in disguise, Escargoon..."

"Silence, your majesty! You're just lucky that dimensional portal stick that Nightmare Enterprises gave us hasn't QUITE been a waste of money... yet..."

The Poison Apple, a place where fairy tale villains usually hang out. As two mysterious figures in cloaks (though one looked like he was not hiding himself under the cloak well, considering his tuft of blonde hair was clearly poking out, along with a beak) came in, the villains looked up to see the figures go up to the bar banister to see the ugly stepsister standing behind the bar as she smiled. "So, what will it be, sweetcakes?"

"We're not here for a drink. We're here to ask for the... best assassin around. Do you know if you've seen any in your wonderful bar?" The short cloaked figure asked.

"Yeah, we want to hire an assassin from this world to get rid of that there Kir-" The taller cloaked figure started before the shorter cloaked figure interrupted it.

"-monster, a small creature, if you will." The shorter cloaked figure stopped the short figure as Doris paused.

"Well... we do have an ogre killer in the back, but frankly, he don't like being disturbed." Doris said.

"Ogres? We don't-" The taller cloaked figure started.

"We'll take it! We want the best one!" The shorter cloaked figure said as he quickly whispered to the tall cloaked figure, "Look, I wouldn't be surprised if Kirby turned into Monster Kirby or something at this rate, so better safe than sorry."

"Hmmm... good point, Escargoon." The taller cloaked figure laughed as he said, "Take us to him!"

Doris just sighed, but nodded as she lead the two cloaked figures to a nearby door in the backroom. Doris just bowed out as she walked away, leaving.

The two cloaked figures looked at each other as they knocked on the door. When hearing no answer, the taller cloaked figure said, "You open it."

The shorter cloaked figure nodded as he opened the door. "Hello? Anybody in here?"

The two cloaked figures looked inside the office as they noticed that it was dark... except for a pair of boots laid down on a table, and a pair of cat-like eyes... and a glass of milk nearby the boots. The cat-like eyes glared as a Spanish like voice said, "I have never encountered fairy tale creatures such as you..."

"That's because... well, we're not from your world." The shorter cloaked figure said as the two cloaked figures came in and shut the door as they lifted their hoods, the shorter cloaked figure to be a purple snail/slug like creature with facial features.

The taller cloaked figure was revealed to be a fat penguin with a red hat. He laughed as he said, "Yep! I'm King Dedede, and this is my assistant, Escargoon! We came here from a different dimension, from a world known as 'Dreamland'... and we have a bit of a problem concerning a monster that keeps eating me out of castle and town!"

"Hmmm... sounds like a serious problem, indeed... but of course, my assistance doesn't come without pay..." The shadowed figure with the cat-like eyes said.

"Your majesty, just make sure you pay a reasonable amount." Escargoon whispered to King Dedede.

"Hey, don't worry. I got this!" King Dedede laughed as he pulled out a bag of money. "Will this do?"

As the shadowy figure examined the bag, he drew out his sword and slashed it open, revealing golden coins coming out of it. "Hmmm... you have my attention..."

* * *

 **(Dreamland)**

Today, in the beautiful world of Dreamland, a masked figure known as Meta Knight was relaxing for a bit as he was reading another book, not paying attention to Kirby's usual antics as he was going around, holding a cake as Tiff and Tuff were chasing after him.

"Kirby, come back here with our cake!" Tuff called out. "This is for our parent's anniversary!"

Meta Knight, temporarily watching, shook his head as he went back to his book as he muttered in his own Spanish accent. "Kids... always having the darnest moments..."

As the masked figure proceeded to read the book, at first he wasn't aware of the loud sound coming from nearby... that is, until he noticed that something was purring nearby.

"Hello?" Meta Knight said as he lifted up his cape. "Who is there?"

Meta Knight came close to the purring sound as he looked around. He frowned as he tried to use his senses.

Meanwhile, nearby the trees, an orange cat with a black Zorro hat with a yellow feather, black bandana, black cape and black boots was looking around for the monster that Dedede and Escargoon had hired him to get. "Hmmm... if that penguin and snail have told me correctly, then the monster must be around here..."

The cat then sniffed around as he frowned. "I really need a picture of whatever that monster looks like..."

"Hold it right there!" Meta Knight's voice sounded as he jumped down in front of the cat.

"What in the-" The cat said in shock... then gave a smirk as he held out his sword. "Ah, another Spanish conquistador? It is an honor to meet someone."

Meta Knight gave a bow. "Indeed, though I speak the accent, I am not Spanish. I work in Dreamland as one of the protectors, along with Kirby."

"Kirby... that's the name of the monster I'm hunting for! Tell me, conquistador, where I can find him so that I may vanquish him, for I am..." The cat waved his sword towards a nearby tree as he made a 'P' letter symbol. "Puss... in Boots!"

Meta Knight glared as he threw his cape aside, as he said, "Kirby is but a friend. Leave this place."

"I was told he was a monster... but if you insist on not telling me..." Puss frowned as he threw his cape aside. "Then let's bring it on!"

Both Puss in Boots and Meta Knight stared at each other in determination as they each raised their swords, ready to battle.

 **HELLO, THEY ARE SPANISH CONQUISTADOR PARODIES! THEY HAVE GOT YOUR ATTENTION!** **PREPARE TO...  
** **FIGHT!**

 **(60 Seconds)**

Meta Knight started the battle by jumping up and flying towards Puss, who merely side steps as Meta Knight flew right to a tree, dropping his sword for a moment. Puss in Boots smirked as he swung his sword right at Meta Knight's mask.

However, Meta Knight recovered and used his sword, known as Galaxia, to block Puss's sword swing.

"Good with a blade, I see." Puss in Boots said as he swung right at Meta Knight, Meta Knight swinging back. "But how long until your sword breaks?"

"Funny, I should be asking YOU that question..." Meta Knight said as he slapped the sword right out of Puss's paws, with Puss staring in shock.

 **(50 Seconds)**

Puss frowned as he jumped out of his boots and started running at him at all fours as he pulled his claws out to jump and claw Meta Knight. Meta Knight yelped as he tried to get Puss off of him, but considering Puss was a little bigger, he was out of luck.

Pretty soon, Meta Knight dropped his sword as he tried to get Puss off of him... but unluckily, Puss was trying to paw at his mask at an attempt to take it off. But, fortunately for Meta Knight, he had a plan as he decided to do a Dash Attack, causing Puss to yelp in surprise as Meta Knight shook him off... but fortunately, Puss was a pretty good athlete as he landed back on his boots...

But unfortunately, Meta Knight grabbed his sword and thrusted it towards Puss in Boots, causing Puss to trip on his boots.

 **(40 Seconds)**

Puss groaned, but Meta Knight came at him as he did a series of slashes right the cat, causing the cat to meow in pain as he jumped over to his sword and grabbed it. Smirking, Puss knew he was back in the game as Puss blocked Meta Knight's sword.

Meta Knight gave a frown behind his mask as Puss in Boots started to flip around and slashed him at every opportunity... only for both swords to block each other every time.

Puss gave a smirk as he then kicked Meta Knight's sword off his hand, causing Galaxia to stick on the tree. Puss gave an arrogant chuckle as Meta Knight frowned inside his mask... but using his wings, Meta Knight flew right over and grabbed the sword back, pulling it out of the tree. Meta Knight gave a glare. Puss's kicks were going to be a bit of a problem.

 **(30 Seconds)**

"What is wrong? Can't keep up with someone from another world?" Puss said as he held his sword.

Meta Knight frowned as he flew right over to Puss as he and Meta Knight started flipping around and sword fighting to their heart's content.

Meta Knight then decided to show off his abilities as he grabbed his cape and quickly put it on. He then used his cape to slap Puss with it.

"Ouch! You hit me with your cape? This is as bad as me hitting Kitty Softpaws with a guitar!" Puss frowned.

"Come closer... you have no idea what my cape can do to you until you've seen it..." Meta Knight said in his mask as he put the cape on.

Puss in Boots started to glare as he said, "Bring it, conquistador."

 **(20 Seconds)**

As Puss in Boots ran up to Meta Knight, Puss in Boots yelped as Meta Knight grabbed him and pushed him down to the ground.

Meta Knight then started to pound Galaxia right into Puss's head as Puss yelped. Puss then started coughing for a moment as Meta Knight paused as Puss coughed up some orange hairball like thing. Puss chuckled in embarrassment. "Hairball."

Meta Knight shook his head as he grabbed Puss again and took him up in the air, body slamming him down on the ground.

 **(10 Seconds)**

Puss started to get up, getting dazed as he was still holding his sword, but he knew he wouldn't give up... but Meta Knight thought otherwise as Meta Knight used his cape to teleport around and slashed Puss at every opportunity.

Puss yelped as he tried to get out of the way of each attack, but unfortunately, he didn't know which way Meta Knight was coming from, so he couldn't exactly predict his moves. Puss was starting to get very concerned as he pulled out his sword.

"Come out, come out..." Puss called as Meta Knight came out in front of him, surprising the cat.

 **(5...)**

Meta Knight then slashed Puss, coming him to back up and groan.

 **(4...)**

Puss looked like he couldn't handle it anymore as he tried to raise his sword. "Fear me... if you-"

 **(3...)**

Meta Knight came running up to Puss as he was about to wave his cape in front of him.

 **(2...)**

As Meta Knight waved the cape over Puss, the screen began to grow dark for a moment.

 **(1...)**

And then, when the light came back on, Meta Knight slashed Puss and sent him straight into the air.

 _ **KO!**_

Puss then flew right into a tree and banged his head as he groaned, getting up. He frowned as he looked at Meta Knight, who held his ground. "I will admit, conquistador, you fight well... but I must destroy the monster known as Kirby. It's my job..."

"Kirby? A monster? He may eat a lot, but he's not THAT type of monster." Meta Knight said.

"Wait, what are you talking about?" Puss in Boots frowned.

"Look for yourself." Meta Knight said, pointing towards a happy Kirby playing around with the birds.

"There you are, Kirby!" Tiff said as she started to catch up to him. "Come on, Kowalski has a meal planned for you!"

Kirby smiled in delight as he said, "Poyo!"

As Kirby followed Tiff happily, Meta Knight gave a smirk behind his mask as Puss in Boots stared in disbelief.

"THIS is the monster that fat penguin king and snail assistant told me to off? That is no monster or ogre, that is a pink marshmallow!" Puss frowned.

"Wait a minute... King Dedede and Escargoon set you up to this?" Meta Knight said in shock.

"The rich king and his assistant? Si." Puss nodded, then frowned. "I am going to cause the king penguin and snail bodily harm for misleading me into thinking there was an ogre in their town! Fellow conquistador, you fight well... you want to battle alongside me to teach that penguin and snail a lesson?"

"Si. I wouldn't mind doing that... but first, why don't we bring Kirby with us. I know he's not much to you at first, but trust me, he is actually a pretty good asset." Meta Knight explained.

"Really?" Puss in Boots smiled as he and Meta Knight started to follow in the direction Kirby went. "Tell me more..."

And thus, the two sword wielding, Spanish speaking fighters became fellow friends... and friendly sword-fighting rivals as they decided to have a good team up... and conceive a plan to cause bodily harm to King Dedede... who, speaking of which, nearby the bushes...

"AGH! Escargoon, this is all your fault!" King Dedede said as he slammed his fist on Escargoon's eyes multiple times.

"Ow! Ow! Ow! To be fair, sir, we didn't actually specify the species of what Kirby was..." Escargoon said.

"But now we have him AND Meta Knight on our butts! And worst of all, he made off with my money! We need a plan, a new plan..." King Dedede paused as he and Escargoon started to walk back to the castle.

"Your Majesty..." Escargoon started.

"Don't rush me, Escargoon, I'm thinking, I'm thinking!" Dedede said as he put his hand to his chin in thought.

Escargoon sighed. Looks like it was going to be another bad day for him and Dedede... again.

 **This melee's winner is...**

 ** _META KNIGHT_**

* * *

And that's all for this One-Minute Melee! How'd you guys like it! Do you have any criticisms or good comments to say? Leave it in your reviews! Anyway, thank you all for reading this, have a great day!


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